Thankful.

My friend Viv offered a homily for a service held at MCC in Boston a few weeks back; and part of what she wrote (the full text being here), included this:

"When it becomes apparent, obvious that there is nothing we can do, that we are clearly beaten, there will still be God, creator, redeemer, sustainer, who is lifting up the lowly, who is pulling the mighty down from their throws, who feeds the hungry and sends the rich away empty. It may be unlikely, but it will be done."
And it resonated with me so much.

Sometimes, things go wrong. Sometimes, they are small things; like walking into a coffee table repeatedly, thereby bruising your shin; or spilling coffee down your front on your way to the office. Sometimes, slightly bigger things go wrong: your parent's job is threatened and you can do nothing about it. Sometimes, even bigger things go wrong. Sometimes, even though nothing major is wrong, you have panic attacks that wake you up three times a night and leave you paralysed and unable to function properly the next day. And sometimes, things you are really excited about just don't work out; like the possibility of a new relationship.

It is in those times that I am learning to lean on God, and remain thankful in the breakdown; to "spin it into a good thing", if you want. Because in the end, "there will still be God."

Spill coffee on yourself? Be thankful you had coffee to spill. Walked into a coffee table? You're a dork with the ability to walk. Mother's job is in turmoil? It's a chance for her to finally look into doing what she wants to do with her life, and make positive changes. A potential relationship doesn't work out because of reasons beyond your control? Be thankful that you got to feel butterflies and excitement and ecstatic about the possibility of falling in love with someone again; because -

"Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to, and love leaves exactly when love must. When love arrives, say, “Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.” If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her. Turn off the music, listen to the quiet, whisper, “Thank you. Thank you for stopping by.” (Sarah Kay, 'When Love Arrives')

So I am trying so hard to be thankful; to give thanks. Because I have no reason to not be thankful of the life I have, of the life I have been building here. I know, still, that I am exactly where I am meant to be, even though I am not entirely sure why, yet. And so for that, I give thanks.

I am thankful for dates and kissing in train stations and excitement about people; even when it then doesn't work out. I am thankful for a job which allows me to talk to so many different people. I am thankful for work colleagues who offer me support when I need it. I am thankful for friendships made through work and out of work. I am thankful for my little flat, and sunny days, and rainy days, and friends who message me to invite me to their house when I'm having a rough time. I'm thankful for music and hugs. I am thankful for the ability to plot adventures to travel. I am thankful for school friends and university friends and friends I met online ten years ago who I am still friends with. I am thankful for my amazing family, who has gone through ups and downs and who is changing and growing.

I am thankful for growing up.