One Word 2015: Thrive

If 2012 was the year of "forward", 2013 was the year of "surrender", and 2014 was the year of "follow through".

2013 required letting go of things past in order to make way for the new. 2013 required letting go of my need to control when I would successfully move forward; letting go of my need to be in control; letting go of the carefully crafted image I was building about who I was.

2013 required surrendering to God and trusting that He was in control, that there was a plan for me. That I was allowed to stop trying so hard and just learn to follow the rythm of my life, no questions asked.

"There's a wave that's crashing over me

And all I can do is surrender -

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos, somehow there's peace.

It's hard to surrender to what I can't see;

But I'm giving in to something heavenly."

- 'Whatever you're doing', by Sanctus Real

 

 

In 2013, I went on a number of dates which left me deflated, feeling like there was no point in trying to meet new people. I'd meet someone nice, only to have them decide that it just "wasn't the right time for them". It was only when I stopped trying so hard that I got to meet L. It was only when I went on a date with no expectations, surrendering to the evening, that I got to know L. It was only in seeing one another again and again over the summer, just spending time together, enjoying getting to know one another, that we realised that it was a relationship we both wanted to let happen.

So 2013 was a good year, but it was not the year in which my carefully thought out goals for myself - of finding a Church; running a half-marathon; cooking more - were actually achieved. It took me surrendering to God to find myself. It took surrendering to God for me to end up on a path which would allow me to follow through with more specific goals.

 

Because 2014 was the year of follow-through. Of actually setting out and finding that my specific but unspoken goals from years past were being achieved. Of realising that, as I had been promised I would -  "Farther along, [you']ll know all about it / Farther along,  [you']'ll understand why" - 'Farther Along', by Josh Garrels - I was discovering where my journey was leading me, and what all the hassle of the years before had been about.

 

2014 involved adventures in cooking and in drinking wine and gin & tonics. 2014 involved some plane tickets, some train tickets, some long-distance driving, and a lot of regular driving. 2014 involved more exams, involved part-qualifying, involved sunshine, involved promotions. 2014 involved coaching new staff, involved becoming friends with colleagues, and unkowingly at the time, involved mentoring a junior and having him do well. 2014 involved running, one foot in front of the other. 2014 involved supporting some friends, and losing others. 2014 involved frugal months, and properly veggie months, and dry months because of training for races. 2014 involved learning to simply fall into step next to a partner in crime who builds me up, and having us meeting one another exactly where we are.

I trained for, and ran two 10 km races, a 10 mile race, and the Great North Run (a half-marathon with Mo Farah, who had finished the race before I'd even crossed the start line). And then I slipped a disc in my back by doing nothing, and have been out of action for 3 months. I will get my groove back. 

 

L and I made a point of seeking out some adventures to appease our itchy feet. We said yes to exploring, and ended up in Istanbul. We said yes to adventuring closer to home, and ended up on long drives across the UK and shorter drives to fields and hills and reservoirs and homecooked meals and walking the dog.

 

I spent a weekend in the north of France with a friend early in the year. I went back to the house I grew up in, where none of us live anymore, for a pre-Easter break. I spent a weekend in Edinburgh with my old housemate, and she cheered me on my first Long Race. Oxford, London, Brighton, Yorkshire, Derbyshire. A weekend in Paris with my big sister in September. 

 

I made time to see some friends more often, but also sadly lost touch with some. I cheered on family as they made important decisions in their lives, and moved [back] across countries and timezones to be where they were called to be. I met up with work colleagues outside of work, and saw them become friends.

 

I supervised some Big Jobs and was praised. I sat some more exams, so I only have one left. I was promoted at work.  I sat down with people at work and had hard, uncomfortable conversations. I took some sick leave after ending up on a morphine drip in A&E. Twice. I was involved in a specific job which required 43 to 55-hour-long weeks for a good 5 weeks in a row. I burst into tears at work again, when the electrics on my car failed and needed a more expensive repair than I had planned for, at the beginning of Advent, after 3 weeks of working 50 hour weeks, when my emotional reserves were low. I sat down with people at work and had thoroughly enjoyable conversations. 

 

I read more. I read some detective novels and I read some poetry and I bought more books than I needed (what's new, hey!). I read Karen Campbell's 'This is Where I am' and vowed to get myself back to Scotland for a bit. I read Lean In and resolved to 'Sit at the table' at work and in life more generally. I read Sarah Bessey's Jesus Feminist and felt a drive to Go out and do something about injustices that stir me and to, once and for all, find a church to call home.

 

And I realised that 2015 will be the year of putting these things into action; of continuing to show that I am resillient. 2015 will be the year to thrive, being exactly where I am meant to be.

 

So here's to 2015.

 

Here's to laughing out loud and drinking good wine and driving with the windows down with music on. Here's to buying the plane tickets that seem too expensive, because seeing the world is a gift. Here's to getting back on the treadmill and trusting that my back will have healed, that my leg will not hurt, that I will run again. So here's to signing up to more races, and showing up every day and doing the unsexy everyday work that is required to get you from A to B. Here's to phoning friends and family more frequently and telling them I love them. Here's to cooking more, to reading more, to turning off the screens and spending time with people around me. Here's to finding a church and to giving my time to the things that matter to me. Here's to new steps forward in my life. Here's to more travel, to qualifying and to moving house. Here's to sitting at the table, and to going out there, and to getting things done.

 

Here's to jumping into life with both feet, knowing there's someone there to hold hands with on the way down.

 

Here's to thriving.